Years ago, my therapist startled me when he said, “Well, folks who grow up in desperate poverty always struggle with success.”
Wait, what?
My father’s sudden death left my young mother with five children to raise alone and things were sometimes tough.
But “desperate poverty”? We didn’t grow up without hope of survival, suffering from hunger and want. Not at all. We were well cared for and fed. Still, there was a sense that the shoe was going to drop any day. Sometimes asking for money for a school trip or new clothes would provoke a frown or worse, silence.
What my young mind absorbed from the experience was a scarcity mentality.
Parents have their own struggles, their own paths to go through, but that doesn’t belong to you. Instead, recognize their suffering and have compassion for them. That moves the dial. You get bigger in your spirit and can move onto your own path.
Scarcity mindset focuses the mind and heart on one’s lack and unmet needs. FOMO (fear of missing out) is classic scarcity mindset and it’s everywhere today. This view assumes a limit to the world’s goods, so it’s best to be selfish and grab what you can.
This is a limiting mindset and a burden. Exhausting the mind and spirit. Viewing life through this lens, one sees limitations rather than opportunities. You could say it’s “negative thinking”, but it’s more than that. It provokes envy, and an insatiable hunger that is never satisfied.
Most people today in the developed world live in comfort and health and prosperity that would be unimaginable to someone living even 50 years ago. Even so, scarcity mentality is rampant today. See all the unnecessary urgency around us? It’s like an ongoing game of musical chairs, with everyone scrambling to not be left out.
Scarcity is a genuine threat to survival for many in the world — scarcity of water, food and housing. In his bestseller All the Trouble in the World political writer P.J. O’Rourke looks at famine throughout history. He finds that in each famine disaster, the cause is militarism, cruelty, selfishness and politics. So, famine is not a food shortage, but a shortage of love, you might say.
If you flip this paradigm of scarcity mindset, you begin to see there is plenty for all. In spite of politics and fear, which has always existed, and I guess, always will.
“Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world… If you want small changes in your life, work on your attitude. But if you want big and primary changes, work on your paradigm.”
Dr. Stephen R. Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People®
The renowned Hollywood entrepreneur David Geffen built his empire caring about his artists above and beyond other talent managers. His generosity with his time was such that the greatest recording artists of the 70s and 80s flocked to him. He was “all in” for them, and believed success was coming, even when it was not evident.
Geffen grew up poor in Brooklyn with a single mother who supported the family with her own entrepreneurship. He got the lesson, but good. Today he’s worth over $10 Billion. But from his earliest beginnings, he believed the world to be bountiful. It paid off.
In spite of which Geffen famously said “Anybody who thinks money will make you happy, hasn’t got money.” Hmmm. So money is not necessarily the greatest reward.
Bring the abundance mindset into your heart and mind. Enjoy your life as more relaxed, enjoyable and plentiful.
Ways to address scarcity mentality
1) Be a source of abundance. Be generous with your time, energy and goods. Sharing what you have is one of the best ways to heal this notion and supply you with the feeling of abundance.
· Make yourself available to someone who needs support. And laugh with them.
· Buy a stranger lunch, and see how it lifts you up.
· Pay a stranger’s grocery bill, especially if you see them struggling to do so themselves. It feels wonderful to create a feeling of abundance for someone else, with no benefit or gain to yourself.
· Clean out your closet and part with items that are beautiful. Imagine someone receiving fashionable shoes or clothing items and how that will benefit their life. Make it a joyful process.
2) Change the voice inside your head. Is it in fact a world of scarcity, or one of abundance? Or are you being judgmental towards yourself? Whose voice are you listening to?
Introduce a conversation of abundance instead. And shake off fear every time it rears its nasty little head. It is the enemy of the soul and a plentiful life.
3) Choose your friends carefully. Peers influence us in powerful ways, even into adulthood. Lifestyle guru Tony Robbins says “The quality of a person’s life is most often a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group.” Your peer group is influential in how you react to news and even your life. Choose to be with people who encourage you — or make new friends. Stay away from envy. If your friend gets a new car, a new gig, or partner, rejoice with them. And see the bounty in life, which is yours, too.
That shift in attitude alone will improve your relationships.
4) Drown yourself in gratitude. Make the daily gratitude list. If journaling or list-making is your thing, make a daily gratitude list.
Or develop a mindfulness practice, a conscious and attentive mind to your daily life. Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese Thiền Buddhist monk often suggests mindful walking. And most important, attach these mindful moments with a positive emotion. Having emotion attached to an activity shoots you into another dimension.
5) Take time for contemplative meditation or grateful prayer. Oh, no, not that again! Why, well, gosh darn it, your workings are not ALL in your brain. They’re in your gut too, and the two are joined like Fred and Ethel.
You can heal a lot in your body and mind by spending 10–20 minutes in quiet and meditation. Best done when you first wake up or before you go bed.
Meditation also provides new insights. People tell me that when they meditate, and do it well, they find new solutions to their lives, and a fresh perspective to situations.
6) Locate your spirit guide in life. This is someone you know or an artist, writer, a philosopher or even a saint who can act as a role model. The spirit guide can change in the course of your progress. Some people are fortunate to have a mentor, and this is another way to have encouragement in your life’s journey.
I had a friend who was an animal rescuer and she talked about St. Francis of Assisi as her guide. I’ve had a spirit guide all my adult life. In my early art and music days, my guide was Georgia O’Keefe and Joni Mitchell. These days it’s the poet Mary Oliver.
The spirit guide can whisper when you’re having a weak moment and remind you of the best way forward.
Anything else? Patience. Patience with yourself. This can be a difficult process because we’re not accustomed to taking care of ourselves, we extend patience to others, but not to ourselves. This process requires regular attention and care to the reality of our lives.
I wish you all the abundance Life can give you. Always.